I have a story to tell you. It’s a lengthy tale filled with twists, turns, and an unexpected outcome.
I arrived home tonight at approximately 12:20am. I was forced to park outside as earlier in the day my garage door opener had slipped from its perch upon my visor and fallen into the black abyss between my seats.
Alas, this was not a tragedy, for as I exited my vehicle I noticed a rather large spider web across the door leading from my garage.
Happy to avoid meeting its creator, I jauntily entered my home. Upon entering, I longed, (as i do most nights), for a shower to wash away the stench of pickles and utter loathing for my fellow man.
I passed my loyal companion in a rather frustrating position (see photo 1), and crept through the darkened passageway to my bathing room.
I was filled with a sense of wonderment as the time for bathing approached, but that wonderful feeling was not to last.
Nay, I lay my weary hand upon the curtain, and make a discovery eternally heartbreaking (see photo 2).
With tears of terror and frustration I wept.
For what felt like HOURS I pondered how to confront this situation. Most people would say “such creatures are good, they eat other, more obnoxious insects”.
To that I reply “Do not birds consume the same pesky insects?” But I had not stumbled upon a sweet gentle bird, no, it was not a kind bird that now stood betwixt myself and my nightly rituals, but a beast.
Perhaps if it had been a tiny bird, we’d have sung a diddy together, as those in Disney movies before me had.
Instead I faced a creature so loathsome, that in my fragile state I fear I was temporarily driven mad. In this bout of madness I found courage.
I grabbed my nearby flipping footwear, summoned my strength, and SLAYED THE MONSTER!
To be sure, I crushed it more than once!!
Removed from my path, I was finally able to attend to my rituals. A good scrubbing in a newly bleach soaked tub before my slumber.
But as I lay my head upon my pillow, I was suddenly seized by a wrestlessness, a feeling that would not be sated until I shared my tale.
So here friend, I hope this finds you, and finds you well.
Now I lay my weary head to rest.
Fairest of nights my friend, fairest of nights.